Be careful not to practise your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven …. then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Matthew 6, 1.4
When I read this, I immediately felt caught out by our Father. Because I realized very quickly: I like people thinking I am good, I am excellent, I am super holy, I am unbeatable! Yes, that’s how it is with me: an fraud. Because in reality it’s not like that. I am no better than other people, not more holy, not more generous … no, I am completely normal. But somehow we don’t like that very much. We would rather be something very special.
I notice it very quickly with other people when they are bragging. And I quickly see what these people are like in reality. But I realise that I am exactly the same! Phew, that’s not good.
But then I realize that there is a cure: Jesus’ attention. If I am safe in Him, He gives me meaning and purpose in life, He gives me attention, love and recognition, then I don’t need to pretend to be more than I am. Then I can even bend and stoop down before others.
And so I become happy again, actually even relieved, because I no longer need to pretend. I am not better than I really am, I am no longer an actor, I do not need a mask, a pious facade. I am who I am.
And I turn my gaze to Jesus and ask: Yes, and you? What do you think of me?
The answer is in the way He looks at me. HE looks at me, full of love, and I notice that I am totally important to Him, as if there was nothing else for Him. I am precious to Him. I am His great love.
HE knows all my faults and weaknesses. But He also knows my abilities, accepts me. I am a counterpart to Him, not a servant, not a cheap laborer.
HE loves me, that is why I live. HE loves me, therefore I am something. Yes, in Him my striving for attention comes to an end, to rest. I can finally be who I am.
Thank You, Jesus!!