Be careful not to practise your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them.  If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven​ ​…. then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Matthew 6, 1.4

When I read this, I immediately felt caught out by our Father. Because I realized very quickly: I like people thinking I am good, I am excellent, I am super holy, I am unbeatable! Yes, that’s how it is with me: an fraud. Because in reality it’s not like that. I am no better than other people, not more holy, not more generous … no, I am completely normal. But somehow we don’t like that very much. We would rather be something very special.
I notice it very quickly with other people when they are bragging. And I quickly see what these people are like in reality. But I realise that I am exactly the same! Phew, that’s not good.
But then I realize that there is a cure: Jesus’ attention. If I am safe in Him, He gives me meaning and purpose in life, He gives me attention, love and recognition, then I don’t need to pretend to be more than I am. Then I can even bend and stoop down before others.
And so I become happy again, actually even relieved, because I no longer need to pretend. I am not better than I really am, I am no longer an actor, I do not need a mask, a pious facade. I am who I am.
And I turn my gaze to Jesus and ask: Yes, and you? What do you think of me?
The answer is in the way He looks at me. HE looks at me, full of love, and I notice that I am totally important to Him, as if there was nothing else for Him. I am precious to Him. I am His great love.
HE knows all my faults and weaknesses. But He also knows my abilities, accepts me. I am a counterpart to Him, not a servant, not a cheap laborer.
HE loves me, that is why I live. HE loves me, therefore I am something. Yes, in Him my striving for attention comes to an end, to rest. I can finally be who I am.
Thank You, Jesus!!